


Interview with Fuckpig, or: how many synonyms are there for dirty?

by dollylux



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/F, Homophobic Language, Interviews, M/M, Queer Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollylux/pseuds/dollylux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Interview with Fuckpig from the Spring 2012 issue of Slutpuppy by Shawnie X.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interview with Fuckpig, or: how many synonyms are there for dirty?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Exaggerated_Specificity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exaggerated_Specificity/gifts), [homo_pink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/homo_pink/gifts), [saltandbyrne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltandbyrne/gifts).



> (Zine cover art + band photos by the magical beautiful talented mermaid known as [Leslie](http://exaggeratedspecificity.tumblr.com) <3)

{ _The following pages from a 3-year-old issue of a Bay Area queercore zine _Slutpuppy_ can be found tucked amongst Jensen’s delicates, folded so much the words are faded in the creases, all the edges softened by time and by tender young fingertips. The words are committed utterly to memory and kept immortal from a dark time before Fuckpig became his life, from when he was living in a suburban hellscape in north Texas, languishing in his cradle of a bedroom and dreaming of Jared Padalecki, following Fuckpig around the country, and of the dirty roadslut he would one day become._ }

Slutpuppy - no. 8

**Interview with Fuckpig, or: how many synonyms are there for dirty?** by Shawnie X

(well Ernie is finally lettin me write a gotdamm article how bout that?!! -sx)

There’s no better band to get my cherry popped with than Fuckpig, an Austin-based queercore/trash metal/post-grunge whatever-the-fuck-they-wanna-be band who have developed a pretty devoted following since they released their debut album eighteen months ago.

Fuckpig is Jeff Morgan, Adrianne Palicki, Jason Momoa, and Jared Padalecki (did I spell all those right??), four perverts who met up when Jeff placed a Craiglist ad looking for a band five years ago. After playing gigs around Austin, recording some splits with other local bands, releasing one EP of their own, and doing a nationwide tour with money from their own fuckin pockets, they finally got noticed by the dudes down at Wallbanger Records, an indie label who isn’t afraid of a little controversy (the inside-out Mike incident ring a bell?) and who likes their acts raw and unrefined. (And it doesn’t get more unrefined than Fuckpig.)

Since signing with Wallbanger, they’ve polished up that EP, written a few more fisting anthems, and released Cuntwrecker, one of the most obscene records probably ever made.

Allow me to introduce you to the players and lemme wax poetic for a minute about this frankly beautiful fuckin band:

Jeff, a man of undisclosed age with salt& pepper in his beard, a sprawling, big-dicked strut, and a voice that could spread even the straightest dude’s legs, is the lead singer. A Seattle-native who moved to Austin ten years ago, Jeff’s a clear alpha’s alpha, a firm-handed Daddy who wears filthy leather boots and smokes cigarettes like they’re made of boypussy.

Adrianne, an Amazonian sapphic goddess with legs up to there and a confident smirk that most men can’t even pull off, is Fuckpig’s fierce and dynamic drummer. She’s a Debbie Harry-worthy blonde Ohioan who moved down to Austin to go to college before she dropped out and started a riot grrrl band called Three-Legged Sally.

Jason, a native of Honolulu, is a green-eyed, tribal-tatted, wild-haired force of nature, a man who plays the bass like it’s an extension of his dick. He’s a not-so-secret teddy bear who is something of a weed-strain expert and is the band’s token bisexual. (editor’s note: Jason clarifies that he’s fluid and doesn’t accept any labels, fuck you very much, Shawnie.)

And rounding out the amazing amount of J-names in the band is Jared, a mystery-eyed dirty rocker who stands nearly 6’5” and looks like every school girl (and boy)’s wet dream of a bad boy. He’s the searing, electrifying guitarist of the band and the only Texas native (San Antone). He may be quieter than the rest of the band, but make no mistake; he’s just as deliciously sleazy.

**So, how are you guys liking San Fran?**

**JDM:** Oh, we always love San Francisco. Always. Is there a gayer place in the world?

 **Adri:** Rio.

 **Momo:** Fire Island.

 **JP:** Your basement.

 **JDM:** [laughing] Alright, smartasses. Anyway, yeh, we love coming up here. Y’all treat us real nice.

**Now, how does your hometown of Austin feel about you all? Are they as accepting of your love of fisting and turned-out assholes as you would like?**

**JDM:** Ahh, I don’t know, man. We kind of live in a bubble. We meet the kids who come to our shows, we sell them music and merch, and we interact with them after the show--

 **Momo:** It’s not like we’re putting posters up at the local Seventh Day Adventist Church.

 **Adri:** There are tons of people who love us in Texas. Plenty of Texans are just as queer and fucked-up and horny as we are.

**But have you ever experienced any backlash?**

**JDM:** Sure, of course. Holier-than-thou protesters with their cute little handmade signs who say they’re praying for us when their sign says we’re going to burn in hell.

 **JP:** I almost got into a fight with one of ‘em last week.

**Oh, for real? What happened?**

**JP:** Just some bible-humper outside the venue while all the kids were still out there in line. Some fat sweaty fuck trying to drag his kid out of the line, screaming about faggots and burning and gay camp.

 **Adri:** We could hear him from the second floor dressing room.

 **JP:** So I went out there. Got in his face. Asked what his fucking problem was. I guess he didn’t have much to say to me. He spit at his son and threw his sign down and left. A bunch of the kids pissed on the sign, right there in the street.

[everyone laughs]

 **Momo:** [grinning] Fuckin great.

**Amazing. So what happened with the kid?**

**JDM:** Oh, Jared fucked him.

[evil cackles all around]

**Now, after reading your lyrics, I’ve gotta ask: do you even know what a condom is?**

[empty stares & a long pause]

 **Momo:** Hmm….

 **Adri:** Oh wait! Yeh we used to have some condoms! We mailed em all to Chad’s mom to make sure she doesn’t breed anymore. (SX note: Chad is FP’s roadie, a squinty little fuck who looks like he steals candy and licks batteries.)

**So Adrianne. You’re a lone dyke in a sea of fags--**

**Momo:** Hey, I’m--

 **Adri:** Jase will fuck anything.

 **Momo:** Yeh.

**What’s the good & bad of being the only chick?**

**Adri:** Well first, I don’t really feel like a chick most of the time, until I bleed from my twat--

 **JDM:** [dirty Daddy smirk] Some boys do that, too.

**Jesus.**

**Adri:** We’re all a lot alike in a lot of ways. We share clothes and lube. I braid Momo’s hair, Jared borrows my nail polish, Jeff helps me find straight girls--

 **JDM:** It’s a thing.

 **Adri:** It’s good. Awesome. I have next to zero competition.

 **Momo:** [stoner smile] Because I like to share.

**So you’re like an alpha wolf pack.**

[immediate chorus of agreement]

 **JDM:** Good way to put it.

**Switching gears a little bit, who are your musical influences? It’s really fuckin’ hard to pin down your sound, man.**

**JP:** We’ll take that as a compliment.

**Oh it’s meant as one. Totally.**

**Momo:** Ah, lots of shit. That’s so hard to--

**Ok, what do you listen to? How’s that?**

**JDM:** Fuckin…. fuckin Judas Priest, man. Iron Maiden. Slayer, Sabbath, Motörhead..... Misfits, and like… AC/DC, Dio--

 **JP:** He loves Twisted Sister. And KISS.

 **JDM:** You fuckboy. [reaches over to squeeze between Jared’s legs  & gets punched for it] And old shit. Zep, Deep Purple, Seger, Queen--

 **Adri:** Such a Daddy.

**What about you, Adrianne?**

**Adri:** Hmm. Bikini Kill of course. Buzzcocks, the Dolls, Anti-Flag, X, G.B.H., Subhumans, Misfits, Sonic Youth, The Slits… oh, Pansy Division! Tribe 8. Team Dresch--

 **Momo:** Basically she likes pussy.

 **Adri:** Make sure you print that. My mama will be so proud.

**Momo?**

[everybody groans]

 **Momo:** Y’all shut the fuck up! I’m open-minded!

[laughing] **Cmon, hit me with it.**

 **Momo:** All kinds of shit. Faith No More and Mastodon and Florence and the Machine--

**Whoa.**

**Momo:** \--Pantera and Stevie Nicks and Cannibal Corpse and Lorde. Some Pig Destroyer-- oh oh, Gogol Bordello! Heart, oh man. Misfits, of course. Wham!, uh….. I like big band and swing, ragtime. Charlie Parker, Lamb of God, Robert Johnson, Hozier--

**Wow.**

**JDM:** Told you.

 **Momo:** I’m like a sponge.

 **JP:** A come rag, maybe.

**Alright, Jared. You’re up.**

**JP:** I mean… I like metal. I dig what these guys like most of the time. Misfits, Judas Priest--

 **Momo:** Even Wham!

 **JP:** [laughing] But I mostly listen to grunge when I’m at home yanno? Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Pixies, Screaming Trees, Mudhoney, Sonic Youth, STP, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Nirvana. Jeff Buckley pretty much all the time--

 **JDM:** He’s our little sensitive poet boy. [hauls Jared in and kisses the side of his greasy head]

 **Momo:** [scoffs] ‘Little.’

**So basically you all like the Misfits.**

**All:** Yeh. Basically.

**Cool, cool. So speaking of size, whose massive dick is that on the cover of Cuntwrecker?**

[they all fall quiet but look dead fuckin mischievous]

 **Adri:** Mine.

[the rest of the band grins]

**...Is that your final answer?**

[they all nod but look over at Jared, so I think I got my real goddamm answer]

**Mmkay. Craziest thing to happen on the bus, Mr. Morgan?**

**Adri:** Oh, do NOT answer that.

[Jeff smirks]

 **JDM:** Mr. Morgan, huh, boy?

[your interviewer squirms a little]

 **JP:** Next question!

 **JDM:** Yeah, sorry bout that. We don’t really… we’re pretty protective of our little family. Whatever happens on that bus doesn’t leave it.

**Alright, fair enough. I bet I can imagine.**

**JDM:** [another smirk] No, you really can’t.

**So, um. Uh, lyrics. Jeff, do you write most of them?**

**JDM:** It’s a collaborative effort. But Jared writes the tunes, melody and all that.

 **Momo:** And me  & Adri fill in the rest.

**Sweet. So how’s the tour going? And what’s your favorite place to play?**

**Jared:** The tour’s been fuckin awesome so far. As far as venues go, the Gilman is still the best. And I love The Crocodile in Seattle. Where grunge kinda got started. It’s just got such awesome history.

 **Adri:** Troubadour, no question. And I love me some loose LA women.

 **JDM:** Oh, yeh, the Troubadour. So good. And the Bowery.

 **Momo:** I still really love the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma. And the 40 Watt Club in Athens.

 **JDM:** We really just love bein on the road, man.

**Okay, one more question before you guys do soundcheck. Any closing advice for Fuckpig fans?**

**JDM:** Go home, smoke some weed, listen to Celtic Frost, and fuck your bitch.

 **JP:** Listen to Daddy.


End file.
